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Doc 019: Maëva Berthelot

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“Finding God consists of constantly searching. In fact, to search is not one thing and to find another⁠—what can be gained from searching is the search itself.”

Grégoire de Nysse (331-394)

A folder on the computer contains loose images, and other miscellanea, associated with a project from long ago.

This piece spoke to the creative act, the translation of ideas into form. A quest doomed to fail, that of trying to represent the unrepresentable. An impossible mission, but during which fragments of the absolute nevertheless revealed themselves. We worked to harmonize four elements (sound, light, movement, and imagery) so that the absolute could be made visible. The summoning of a miracle. Our search was in vain, it was endless.

Created in 2010, 15 minutes of infinity (a postcard of the absolute) was a collaborative performance and installation I made with two men I loved: Fred Cave and Thomas Hauser. For a few years, the three of us formed a strange but wholesome triangle that found its balance through blurring the boundaries around Love and Friendship⁠—warmth, tenderness, passion, lust, fondness, desire, yearning. We were young and we were exploring it all. Initially, Art and Music were the languages we spoke; the reasons why we met and connected. But at the core, our insatiable curiosity and sense of exploration were what really brought us together. We were on a quest. How can one live life to the fullest? How can one feel, sense, touch, find the deepest meaning in meaning?

Fred died four years ago. At 32 years old.
And I’m still processing. Integrating.

This piece always had a special place in my heart but even more so today.

When his absence visits me, revisiting these images that fed the process brings me comfort and support.

And warmth.
His warmth.
A bit of Fred Cave.
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Maëva Berthelot is a choreographer, performer, movement director, and teacher whose mode of working unfolds along the threshold between experimental, performative and collaborative approaches. Maëva was born in L’Haÿ-les-roses, Paris and lives in South London and Paris.


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