Skeptical of the dolphins in the ocean in Laguna Beach
wondering if I’m being recorded
Considering self recording
it glows in a sultry mist
(that girl is crazy)
back to the beginning
back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned
digging up the garbage in the lawn
Why yes, I’m using my mouth too if you must ask

Dragging my face across a towel
how I showed up today it hurts doesn’t it
Feels good getting back at him
Even if you have to hurt yourself
Even if you were born just as yourself
this is me — deserted and fallow
fated to mill wheat for the rest of my life
servitude to wheat forever and ever
and His and wheat’s love were everlasting

And I let it fade away
I came back to the ocean
where it was when I first asked Marty to cast a love spell for me
I wrote down some qualities on a piece of paper
Four golden retrievers running along the beach
Marty’s smile is so beautiful and bright
Now whenever I see golden retrievers and
let’s face it in Hancock Park that’s not infrequent
I think of that spell and you
So deceptive

grace to myself
to not be the creative director of civilization
I post the picture of the painting and then its deadstock
Oh well
To all my friends with fake jobs
may we continue on like this
we own emotional baggage, not property
our parents own properties
my father imago is my landlord
it’s like that

I just waited for one person to take me seriously
For my “day in court”
It arrived like the winter’s snow
All over my cold, black, salted streets
I imagined I was the city
I drove down to Laguna Beach and wished I could be Facebook
actual cyber security
all over me
lighting me up like a Christmas Tree